2019 Reflection + Goals For 2020

i used the exact same image when i wrote my goals for 2017!

On paper, 2019 was a really great year. I traveled, spent time with my family, saw some of my favorite bands in concert, and even had the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders when I received multiple job offers for after graduation! Yesterday I shared my highlights throughout the year, and it was nice to take a step back and realize how many great adventures I had throughout this past year. However, to me, 2019 was a bit of a disappointment, and it all had to do with my mindset.

I was trying to think about why this year gave me such a bad gut feeling, even though on the surface it was really, really good. Like I mentioned in yesterday's post, there were so many highlights from this year! At the end of the day, I think the bad feeling comes from the fact that this year I had so many opportunities to do something good, just for me, and I didn't put forth the effort at all.

I noticed in 2019 that I was careless. I never tried very hard, at anything really. I let the year slip by, and I didn't work hard. There was no passion, no drive, in hardly anything I did.

For one, I haven't put in nearly enough work and dedication and effort into this blog, and it's incredibly obvious. The worst part is, the passion I once had for success with blogging has dissipated. I think about twelve-year-old me who started this blog and poured hours into coming up with ideas for a post or staying up late to get up a fourth or fifth post each week. With college and a busier life in general, of course, it's realistic that my interests would change and my time-management skills would falter. However, the lack of effort and passion comes from a place of disappointment in growth. I haven't been slacking off because I don't still love blogging (if I didn't, I wouldn't do it!) but instead, because I'm disappointed in myself, and instead of fixing it, I've just given up. That's what I want to change!!!

Additionally, I've become really careless in a lot of ways and in many parts of my life in the last few years. The one exception this year was my half marathon. I know I keep talking about it and it's probably getting annoying, but it really was the one thing this year that I'm proud of. It sticks out to me as the exception because I took it seriously. I worked to prepare for it, and during the race, I pushed myself to meet my goal speed. Running, this year, was something that I felt like I had control of and that I pushed myself to work at. Because of this, I know that I am capable of working hard and making strides in other aspects of my life.

With that said, my goal for 2020 is to focus on myself. I know it sounds cliche, but it is honestly befuddling to me how careless and passive my life was this past year. I really didn't do anything to better myself in 2019, and it's a disappointment that just doesn't need to be!

What are your goals for 2020?!

Thank you to each one of you who reads, comments, follows along, or just stops by every once in a while. I appreciate you so much and I am looking forward to 2020! Happy New Year!! 

xoxo